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| Why? Because this site doesn't look so good. I'm moving to WordPress: http://tastefulblt.wordpress.com/ | | |
| I am 29 now, but somehow it seems like American high school is repeating itself again - but this time at work. Lately it feels like no one wants to talk to you unless you are cool or have something to offer. People spend more time finding ways to delegate work instead of doing something worthwhile. Honest work isn't rewarded, looking cool is rewarded. I find myself being that loner again, but with maybe the usual one or two close friends that isn't caught up with the commotion. They see and accept me for who I am. I know because I feel like I can be myself, with the exception of saying things that might be grounds for harassment (no not sexual, just general things that could be offensive in nature). And at times I find myself wanting to be in that cool crowd. This time, the cool crowd might have influential people like senior managers and executive directors that actually have some pull in decision making for the one thing most important to us - visibility, which ultimately we hope will lead to money and promotions. Of course I want some more money. There are things I want to do that would be easier if a little more cash was available. Just like in high school - I wanted to be with the cool crowd because I thought I would have more fun. But then I'm taken back by all the trouble in high school of being with the cool crowd. There was drama behind so much gossip. I don't remember what the gossip was about, but I remember how it caused unnecessary physcological trauma. I used to constantly worry about my membership in the cool crowd and it always felt like it was at stake. I spent more time thinking about how to stay in the crowd instead of enjoying myself in the crowd. In the end, all I looked forward to was moving to college and starting over. I wanted out. I'm not saying be a loner, I think it still makes sense to find your "crowd" - but make sure that's exactly what it is: YOUR CROWD. Find people with the same genuine interests as you, but hopefully it's good ones like finding creative ways to earn more revenue and make a company grow it's footprint in this world. The cool crowd doesn't seem to get it - they think an endless supply of money is coming in and they play the political game to snag as much of it as possible. Nothing is unlimited. Looking back, if there was anything I could change in high school, I would have focused more on what interested me and not worry so much about what others thought. Of course, perception matters, but sometimes that's as simple as not pissing people off and genuinely finding a way to get along with people. I would have spent more time finding myself and being myself, but at the same time enjoying the journey with the ones around me. If Steve Jobs' recent passing meant anything, it's that the real successful ones are the ones that lived their own life and not others. We've got to keep that in perspective. | | |
| It's been over a year since my last serious relationship ended. Enough time has passed that the last bit of bitterness has left my system, and all that I am left with is a clear mind to look back and make some sense of the whole thing. I won't be spending any time trying to figure out why things ended the way it did, but instead I choose to reflect on what I've learned about myself. I do my best when I am emotionally driven. This is because real passion exists behind my actions, and that passion becomes a never ending elixir that fuels my motivation and determination to move forward and not let set backs pin me to the ground. I remember she wanted to attend pharmacy school, but was in the worst possible situation imaginable. When she decided to start applying, she only had about 6 months before the deadline - but she had no prior experience with pharmacy in any way. She didn't have the best grades and was missing courses that needed to be taken prior to even applying - not too many pharmacy schools were offering contingent acceptances. No internships, no networks, no tech license - it was as good as me deciding to apply to pharmacy school on the whim. But regardless of the situation, I had loved this woman at the time, there was no way in hell I would let this fall through. I looked at her situation across the board and tried to help out where I could. There wasn't anything I could do about missing courses or subpar grades from previous courses. But I could help with personal statements, current courses not related to science, and internships. This illustrates an important fact of life: focus on things that we have control over, and don't worry about things we have no control over. Focusing on the latter only deters us from handling the former. I made some phone calls and managed to find an internship for her. I helped her from failing her writing courses. I helped proofread her personal statements so that each sentence had emotional relevance. I spent many weeknights and weekends at coffee shops to make sure things were done right and done quickly. It was a hard battle to say the least. Everything was working against her because of her lack of preparation. She cried and complained - but I always assured her things would be okay, and naturally thought of plan B and C in case the whole thing fell through this first time around. She didn't believe it would work out, but I refused to let her continue this way of thinking. I did what I could emotionally to help her through this until the very end - until it was clear that of the schools she applied to, none would accept her. It was grueling. A hoard of rejection letters came in, with each one followed by a crying session. I reassured her things were not over yet until the last school responded to her. Luckily, one school did accept her, and one was all she needed. It wasn't the school she wanted because she would have to move far away from family, to which she cried again about. But I did my best to convince her to look at the bigger picture - there was now a clear path for her to reach her goal, all she had to do was start the journey. This is only one of many examples that illustrates how a side of me emerged when there was love to back it up. What I've learned is I have to follow my heart. If I follow my heart I know successful is unquestionably within reach, no matter how difficult the road may seem. Yes, I do feel proud that I was able to push this girl to go for what she wants, and I did it because at the time I was madly in love with her. Emotions can really drive a man to do some amazing things. What I remember vividly is how I reacted each time a rejection letter arrived - my mind didn't understand defeat, I had naturally focused on what to do next. In my mind there was no time to dwell on the past and be sad (for her this looked like I was being insensitive!). I didn't care about what had happened, I only wanted to focus on what needed to happen next. | | |
| Lately I have felt much better. I can feel my old self coming back now. Stress seems like a distant memory and planning to meet goals are the only things occupying my mind. An idea dawned on me, and there are some things I want to happen between the end of 2012 and mid-2013. For a few years now I've been wanting to move back home with my parents, but a few obstacles stand in the way. However, a feasible approach just came to mind. The two main obstacles are relieving myself of a 2nd mortgage that is contingent to my employment, and creating the home I want to return to. If there's anything I've come to learn, its that family plays a crucial role in my life, hence I am quite determined to find myself back. So I've come up with the following things that need to happen: - By end of 2011: Buy another investment property and have it rented out. This one is a bit tough because it depends on what is out there in inventory. The promise I made to myself is that this next one has to be better than the previous ones I've done. I wouldn't buy one out of haste just to meet this goal.
- By July 2012: Buy my parent's house. This is one of the main obstacles. It won't be an easy task to buy the most compatible house for the family.
- By end of 2012 and between July 2013: Pay off that 2nd mortgage and find a job near my parent's soon-to-be purchased house. I don't suspect that paying off the 2nd mortgage will be too difficult. I don't have all the money to make it happen, but I did some up with a feasible plan that would work. As for finding the job...I suspect it will be difficult but I realize this can really be a crap shot at times because I find it to revolve more around the notion of "right place, right time" and "it's who you really know." Either way, it must happen.
It doesn't totally have everything to do with having that sense of responsibility to take care of my elders; this is simply where my heart is telling me to go. It's time to return and take a larger role in the family. It can and will be done. | | |
| I'm starting to really believe that things change when our outlook changes. In the last few months it feels like my life was stagnant and stuck at a standstill. It felt like I was trying extra hard on my investment activities but it didn't seem to go anywhere. Offers were rejected left and right, and even one time a selling agent said I was "wasting time." Work bothered the hell out of me and it seemed like small things could make me snap. For a short period of time, aggravation was like my best friend. I had been exercising a lot to relieve stress, but things didn't change. However, during the last few weeks I started doing short meditations of about 5 minutes in the morning to help me prepare for the challenges I would encounter each day. Now it has been two weeks and despite the challenges I deal with each day, the anxiety has practically disappeared. It's very apparent because I noticed the way I deal with problems has changed dramatically for the better. Now that my mind is more clear, it seems like things got better. But is it because my environment improved, or I just look at my environment differently now? A few things happened: - Productivity at work jumped - the work load, politics, and stress are all still there, but I am noticeably more focused, thus none of those three things slowed me down. What changed is I no longer focused on the obstacles, I only looked beyond the obstacles.
- Running distance improved - I'm still recovering from surgery, but recently I've managed to push myself to run past 5k in a 35 minute time period. I am sure what happened here is I told AND convinced myself I could do it, so then my body followed after.
- Deals jump at me - just within the past few days good deals have shown up and I had a healthy negotiation happening with one property. After a series of counter offers I passed on the deal. Then they came back to me and asked if I was interested based on my last counter offer, which was less than their last counter offer. I gave them a BS excuse (typical of any business transaction) as to why I couldn't go with my last counter offer. Instead I offered my original price. I don't anticipate they'll accept, but it's one of the few times in my investment history that someone came back to me after I called their bluff! I looked at deals with a more critical eye and made offers that made more sense. But it's also possible conditions of the market changed so sellers were forced to look at my offers with a different eye. Yes, I use the Chinese low-ball method!! What is important is I managed to stick to my gut instincts and it seems I am likely heading in the right direction.
But the biggest "wow" came when I finally realized, as simple as it is, what my next investment goal would be: it must be better than the previous ones I did. It made perfect sense. My first one was great, but then the next was much better. So the numbers on the next one must be better than the last. With the numbers and kind of activity I've noticed lately, this can very much be a reality. When goals become clear, it also means my mind is clear. Last but not least, my attitude of I don't give a fuck about what others think, I will listen to my own inner voice. I knew for sure at that point my old self was back. | | |
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